So Yeah.....

...had a convo about poop in public.

Wed, 23 May 2012 09:32:36 -0400

I recently stopped my old job to get free coffee & bagel. This is a piece of our brilliant conversation.

L: My husband’s colonoscopy went great because he shits all the time.
Me: Me too.
L: Not me, dude.
Me: I shit twice. Once first thing and then again after my coffee kicks in.
L: I think you quitting messed up my pooping schedule.

quoteskine: Mad Men

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:20:45 -0400

quoteskine:

Mad Men

ilovecharts: -geniuspending

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:20:00 -0400

ilovecharts:

-geniuspending

Fuckin’ Duh.

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:19:00 -0400

Fuckin’ Duh.

...I took one of those spirit animal quizes

Sun, 07 Aug 2011 23:49:00 -0400

AND IT WAS A TIE!!!!!!!!

BETWEEN A WOLVERINE AND A SWAN.

I VIEW THIS VERY MUSH AS A WTF MOMENT.

Wolverine!

Characters: Lycas, Nilo, Sirin, and Drenis in theAspect of Crow trilogy; Marcus in “The Wild’s Call”

Powers: Fighting ability—strength, speed, and toughness

Nobody messes with Wolverines. You’re fearless, assertive (okay, aggressive), and tenacious. You might be a Marine, or a middle linebacker. You’re the best at whatever you choose to do, because you give yourself no alternative.

Best matches: Bears, Cougars, Wolves

Watch out for: Crows, Owls, Swans

Swan

Characters: Tereus, Kalia in the Aspect of Crowtrilogy

Powers: Foretelling future through dreams, dream-walking

Swans are idealistic, open-minded, and passionate. Your good nature often leads people to think they can take advantage of you, but they should be careful—beneath that serenity lies a fighting spirit. Your love is fierce and unconditional, fueled by the certainty that it should last forever.

Best matches: Wolves, Horses, Otters

Watch out for: Cougars, Foxes, Hawks

I WISH I COULD REMEMBER WHAT MY NATIVE AMERICAN AND JERSEY SHORE NAMES WERE…….HMMMM

betterbooktitles: Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins: Left Behind...

Mon, 30 May 2011 00:33:16 -0400

betterbooktitles:

Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins: Left Behind and any other book about the Rapture.

...I was recently informed that if I don't have kids, I don't get to have an opinion.

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 19:57:25 -0400

A friend of mine that I loved dearly. There have been many times that I have agreed with her ‘parenting style’. After much deliberation and thought, I told her of a concern I had.

She quickly told me that until I was a parent I had no right to comment on how people parented. I will not get into details of what this person does

Am I wrong to think this is complete BS!??!!??!

....I am risking my life by using half & half that expired March 4

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 11:21:45 -0400

I know what you are thinking? What the fuck is wrong with her? She could die! Didn’t her mother teach her better than that?

Well, first of all…..

I grew up in the south, so I didn’t have a ‘mother.’ I have a Momma.

And Secondly…..

She liked to sleep in alot. I could give you many examples of my adventures of my childhood, based on the fact that I was trusted to make my own cereal and watch the Smurfs in the AM. Like my first adventures of mopping in the kitchen and drying the floor with a throw pillow, but I will not bore you with these facts at the this time.

This is not me, btw. I was much cuter as a child.

I guess I should apologize to my beloved Mommy for outting her for sleeping in when I was a chitlin. Moving on.

So this is how is happen. One of my roommates asked me to make coffee, because it always tastes better when I do…well, duh, I do this bullshit for a living. After making the coffee, whilst I am making my bowl of Fruit Loops (don’t judge I know people that read this blog that eat more indulgent cereals than that) And there was only enough milk for my Fruit Loops (barely). So that is when I decided to use the expired half & half. It was either that or the left over sour cream from when we made tacos last.

Its alright. I did have to blot off the dairy clumps and it does taste a little odd.

So if I die today, you know why.

....There maybe something to this 'process' that my professor had me follow

Fri, 01 Apr 2011 11:01:06 -0400

So this week was the dreaded work shopping of my script that I was bitching about writing last week. And to my surprise, my stress over the course of 3 days was all for nothing. But asking me to worry about something is like asking me not to breath or eat (and counting the fact that I have hypoglycemia and asthma it may not be a good idea).

It went pretty well, I must say. For the most part everyone liked my script. It was even compared to a popular television show, of course it is not one I have watched, but my mom loves the show. ROCK AND FUCKING ROLL!!!!!!

The only person that did not like it doesn’t count in my world, and I am not saying this as a ‘I can’t handle criticism kind of way’. His script was awful and he is a know-it-all and as most know it alls go — he doesn’t his ass from a whole in the ground.

But enough about him — this blog is in celebration of me and my brilliance.

While some people would dismiss this great work shopping of my masterpiece…this was a great moment of validation for me. People loved my dialog..which reaffirmed in my mind that I am doing exactly what I should be. I may have to fine tune my directing skills, but my passion for writing is not delusional bullshit. YAY!!!

Now back to the main topic. I hated the process of writing that I have to go through to get this fantastic result. I lacked passion the majority of the time, but in the end it was great. I enjoy my writing on the fly, but I never feel like things are finished. So, I must somehow find a away to merge to 2.

Great another problem for me to solve that there is no right or wrong answer to.

........just finished writing my short for school. The process my professor had me follow sucked all the fun & creativity out of MY writing

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 23:23:22 -0400

NEVER AGAIN!!! Live and learn!

Actually, this all reminds me of my creative writing teacher in high school trying to explain how to come up with story idea.

And watch, everyone will say that my script :

Sucks
Is too long
Makes no sense what so ever.

Whatever. C’est la vie, bitches

"Make no mistake, timing is everything—both in music and in life."

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 23:08:42 -0400

“Make no mistake, timing is everything—both in music and in life.”

- Mentor, Hank (via vintageminimalist)

.....I just got into my first argument with Henri

Tue, 08 Mar 2011 11:52:15 -0500

And for the record, I did not just slip and give you the cute Italian’s name. First of all, I an quicker than that. Second, Henri is a French name and French spelling….not Italian…keep up people.

Henri is the puppy my roommate recently required and has been a splended addition to our lovely abode. So yes, I had an argument with a dog. He is rather intelligent, since he is poodle, but he is in fact, a dog.

This is what went down.

I had brought him in from his morning poo and pee. Like most mammals, when one has the morning poo, you feel like a million bucks. And how does a small dog exhibit his feeling like a million bucks? By running around like I gave him his first taste of cocaine. After nearly creating chaos, I tell him to stop.

ME: Henri, Stop that crap!

HENRI: (Huffs in disgust)

ME: Are you arguing with me?

HENRI: BARK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not respond. What is there to say? We both had our say. He is now taking a nap.

.....I am amazed at how many people don't know that I am stutterer

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 13:41:17 -0500

.....I am amazed at how many people don't know that I am stutterer:

Of course last night was the Oscars. There were several people that I see on a pretty regular basis that asked me if I had seen ‘The King’s Speech’. My response was simply, “Of course, I am a stutterer.” That is when the look of confusion comes over their face. And then they verbalize their shock.

This is the time that I take to explain that I had 10 years of speech therapy that didn’t really do much and I believe that it’s a numbers game. The more I talk, the less I stutter.

I then thank them for the compliment. My stuttering is something that still can stress me out and that I often worry about when meeting new people. You have never seen me as angry as when I think I am being mocked or someone feels the need to ‘help me’. I am not an old lady in a fucking wheelchair. PATIENCE ASSHOLES!!!!. See there I go. And I do not hesitate to say what is necessary and defend myself vocally ( my mother taught me) even though what I really want to do is punch them in the throat.

But it is lovely to be recognized for my hard work and that (unlike many stutters I know) I have not like it defy me. I doubt in my writing you will ever see a stuttering character, I have never had the desire to become a speech therapist and I am often too out going and talkative for my own good.

And in closing, we do all have a voice and it is nice to see it recognized in global fashion. Even though I hope it is not the last, I know it is.

……People need to rethink their titles to specialized...

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:06:29 -0500

……People need to rethink their titles to specialized yoga sessions.

...My mom has become domestic....wtf

Sun, 06 Feb 2011 18:20:46 -0500

As those close to me know, I had a quite unconventional upbringing. Complete with contradictory social norms and family expectations.

I am a complete product of my upbringing. I like to cook, but I don’t because I don’t want it to be expected. I want children, but the jury is out whether or not I am willing to breast feed or deal with the wave of hormones (the monthly is exciting enough for my friends and loved ones).

But back to what I was saying. I have often compared my relationship with my mother as that of Gilmore Girls. As you can imagine breaking this to prospective boyfriend, can be stressful (the cute Italian took it very well, by the way).

Anyhoo, my grandmother (Mimi) was the one that baked and loved cleaning and did all the domestic and smothering shit, so I was covered.

Not actual picture of Mimi.

Well, to my distress….my mom has taken up cooking all weekend long like she runs a B & B. What is the world coming to?

OOOOOh Pie.

...My trip to my mom's place in Tejas completely revived me.

Fri, 28 Jan 2011 11:15:00 -0500

Even though, I spent the majority of the month prior to my trip saying that I need to get out of the fuck out of the blessed 5 boroughs, I did not realize how much I really did. In fact, I needed it more than most can realize, though I had to deal with the following:

Republicans
Cigarette smoke (EVERYWHERE)
Boredom
The fact that I have no will power as it comes to the great temptations of Whataburger, Mexican food, Sonic, Fried items covered in Gravy, Pepsi, and vodka
Ridiculous questions

*Ridiculous questions were as follows

1. When are you getting married?

I don’t know. Why don’t you ask my Muslim boss and my grandmother. I am sure y’all can teleconference over the matter.

2. How long have you 2 been married?

First all, this question was asked of one of my best friends (male) and I on New Years Eve. We died in laughter. There is no way either of us could put up with the other for more than 2 weeks…and that’s with large amounts of alcohol.

3. Have you moved back?

Ummm, no (all with a disgusted look like he asked me if I voted for Dubya)

This made me feel like Bill Paxton in Twister. I know it is a bad reference as pointed out by the cute Italian boy.

4. Is it true everyone in New York is an asshole?

Actually, I meet more here. People in NYC are alright for the most part as long as you aren’t in their way.

5. You’re a liberal aren’t you?

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, you meant that in a negative way? I am sir, I don’t know what you are referring to and I won’t respond (Reference to Arrested Development)

Now I know what you are thinking: When why the fuck do you go there? Just go to the islands!!! The Pocanos are lovely this time of year.

Yes, you are correct that last one was an inside joke that you stumbled right into.

The answer is rather simple. Or not. Many prongs

I miss my Mommy!!!

I am a Momma’s girl. I am the product of single parent home, even when she did re-marry it was always a divided house. I need someone that will: Let me sleep in til noon and not say one thing about it. Clean my lap top with a q-tip and bowl of vinegar. Give me shit for poisoning my self and being hungover half the days that I am in town. Help me organize of scripts. It also never gets old that she thinks I am unicorn that farts glitter (yes, another inside joke).

It reminds me of the fact that I am very different from most people I grew up around.

Like all people in this world, I often question everything I am doing. Going back to Texas….helps me realize I AM FUCKING FABULOUS & EVERYTHING WILL BE O-KAY!!!! Seriously. This place has not changed much, except for a few new chain restaurants. The people are the same. What they think is the same. The directions on how to get nameless ‘burbs of the ‘burb are the same (‘Make a right that the piddley hateful church that makes all the asshole comments about gay marriage on its marque sign’). All of these things help me realize, I am exactly who I am suppose to be, where I am suppose to be, doing what I am suppose to be.

Revives me.

New York City kicks your ass on a daily basis. Anyone that lives here and denies it is on more meds than a hospice patient. I had not left the City since March and that was for my Grandfather’s funeral (not exactly happy vaca). It had gotten so bad that a guy that I met at the bar that knew me from work thought I was from NYC because “I looked so pissed about being at work.” Not gonna deny it…I was.

But when I came back. I was nice to people at work. I was happy to see people. The smells of garbage waiting to get picked up didn’t bother me. I was more than thrilled to see my roomies in my overly heated apartment in my ghetto-esq ‘hood.

But all the snow storms have bothered me

This how we get on the bus!!!

Let’s take the train!!! YAY!!!!!

....Maybe I was a little bit over dramatic before

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 23:01:25 -0500

As the semester is coming to a close, what is due? EVERYTHING!!!! Including, my first film project.

Cue ominous music.

Well, last week I kind of freaked the fuck out….I am sure that is an understatement.

Last week, after my professor looked at my rough cut and I made the mistake of looking at a few classmates projects…I cracker under the pressure.

Today, I did my final cut. YAY!!!! Done with my 3 minute masterpiece!!!!!!! I am not sure if I am proud of it, but I no longer think ‘it should never see the light if day.’ I am actually looking forward to showing it in class….

But I am sure that I will regret this statement right before they turn off the lights….like a woman about to give birth.

Wish me luck!!!!!!

....I am maybe re-thinking my stance on marriage.

Tue, 30 Nov 2010 23:32:32 -0500

So…don’t freak out on me and don’t make any assumptions. I had this very Oprah-esc ‘Ah-Ha’ moment on Monday night.

First of all it has NOTHING to do with the cute Italian boy. Now whether you chose to believe my pervious statement is your own business, but it is the truth. Of course, it could be a combination of factors (i.e. my age, my baby brother just got married and seems ecstatic…and he is rather cynical, etc.) and I am choosing to live in denial. Whatevs, I am comfortable with that.

I guess I should start my stating what my actual stance has been.

I don’t need it.
I don’t want it.
Nothing lasts forever.
I am better off with just me.
I have no idea what a good marriage looks like and I have never really seen people happy in marriage.
Like red beans and rice - I understand the appeal. It can be filling and dependable…hell, everyone seems to be down, but its not for me.
It may not happen for me…which means I need to be happy with just me
I have never wanted to be one of those people that feels incomplete without a ‘partner’.

It came to me the other night, while I was in a religion class I am taking with several couple. BTW, I am the only person that does not have a significant other in the class. Some of the couples in my class are married, newlyweds, or engaged. I have taken a long look at all of these people.

THEY ARE ALL HAPPY.

And not in the fake way that I have been use to. They are loving. They do things. They laugh. Talk. Joke. Affectionate. You can actually see the love and admiration between them. This is a first for me.

Here is some background: On both sides of my family, people get married and divorced quite frequently. When people are married, it is often not that big of a deal and people are often lack luster about love, in general. I am not just talking about my family, but friends and friends’ families.

I just realized that marriage may not all be bullshit. I know….I’m shocked too. Maybe people are genuinely happy in marriages and….is it possible I was wrong?

Don’t answer that. Who knows? Not all these questions can be answered now…or maybe ever.

...for those of you who were wondering.

Wed, 10 Nov 2010 20:13:55 -0500

I kicked Final Cut Pro’s ass today. I mastered logging capturing….not to mention did some editing on a class project. Who’s the bitch now!??!?!??!?!?

As you can tell I had a super fly day in class. I may have had my pre-birthday freak out last weekend, but I am now cool as a muthafuckin’ cucumber. I may be getting old, but not dead yet. Now I just need to work on getting caught up on my other classes. :) And then there is the shooting I have to do this weekend.

Keep your fingers crossed that I am able to nail down an actor/actress…or I will need to revamp the whole dealie.

No excuses.

Fri, 05 Nov 2010 10:59:52 -0400

Rachel,

I should have realized I just emailed you a “submit” comment.

Simply a slight case of A.D.D. No!, I am not taking any meds for this condition. As I get a bit more familiar with the go arounds in Tumblr, I should get better at using its features.

Just as a point of info. I did a surf along the seamy edge of Tumblr and I was surprised to find some very “OdD” people. Like people who actually do the things I only dream of. I also noticed there are many “artsy” types who really produce some eyepopping Blogs.

Just keep on writting.

A loyal customer and follower,

Dave